Hope like soap bubbles.

Still wanting that third baby, but taking a break this month. NTNP to full blown not trying when my symptoms get fertile. My emotions are all over the place and I don't know how much of that is directly related to normal cyclic hormones or related to my dietary habits. I feel like so distracted and scattered. I feel like I'm crafting hope out of soap bubbles; it's guaranteed to pop. I feel like I have incessant need to ramble on about this topic, even though I feel like I've exhausted all avenues and details. There's no more to tell that hasn't been blabbed about, but I feel driven to search and read and collect ALL the things. Little of the 'research' has resulted in clear cut 'this is why', just more info to cogitate over. I'm hopelessly torn between tears and curiosity over what crying would accomplish at this point in time. Waiting to try to conceive has me in knots over wasting time, but I'm the one in favor of waiting til next month, why am I like this? This paragraph is a stream of consciousness and for once I have no desire to sort it out and make it streamline/coherent.