I hate cranberry juice.

Strange title to be sure, but I do hate the stuff. I say it because I'm in the process of finishing a 2L bottle to myself. I'm self-medicating, for I believe I have a (an?) UTI. The second one in less than a month. I, understandably, feel frustrated. It's nearly 2 in the morning and I'm full of juice. I feel a little better, but not likely to get total relief for weeks as my doctor's schedule in rather fuller than I'm use to. Good for her, bad for me.
So a UTI is not a huge deal, uncomfortable surely, but worth a blog post? Well, I blog because I feel like I'm retaliating against myself. I think I wanna go to school, but when I really get down to it, searching for a school, investigating financial aid, visiting schools and such, I get 'cold feet' so to speak. I chicken out. Either, I reschedule and reschedule or I get sick.
That or I've so warped and wrapped myself up in this wanting to get/to be pregnant idea, that I am not and have not got pregnant so I'm gone punish my body for not get with my mind program.
I'm sure this is hard to read and I don't care. I'm outta practice or just not flowing well.
School or failure to get pregnant are causing me to retaliated/punish myself.
And other than feeling frustrated or tired, I don't have much of a reaction.
In the past, a negative pregnancy test, when I was so sure it would be positive, would reduce me to tears. Now, I'm pretty much of the mind, that I'm never going to get pregnant. I want it so bad, that it's just not going to happen. So, no more worries, no more spending money on the tests I already know the answer to.
I hate cranberry juice.