In a bubble...

That's what my awareness feels like. I'm locked away, by my own doings. I remain in my bubble and watch the world around me. I seldom interact with those I love and care for outside of my close knit (& immediate) family. I find myself amused or awestruck by the comings and goings of everyday life and all their ventures. But, though I wish, or think I wish to join them, I rarely do. I find myself imitating friends and family and just when I reach the threshold, just when I feel myself inspired enough to reach out...I don't.
I've called myself socially retarded. Joe disagrees, saying that I've gotten better at interacting at our parties/poker games. But, I still feel hugely inept at life. I know everyone has their own awkward moments to deal with. I don't fear going out of the house, I don't fear family functions. I do wish to include myself in my family's activities. I think I do, anyway.
And so, floating in a bubble, I'm at once included and excluded. I'm no different from those I watch, and yet, just how do I go about interacting? And more importantly, why do I feel like I need to conform?
The wish to be accepted and liked and sometimes loved, why do I stride for them? Even if it's so seldom as to not exist.